Arguing with reality in business is a huge waste of time. If you’ve got clients who are in that head space where they’re sort of scared, they’re not quite sure what to do next. If you call them and you’re in that same head space, then you’re not helpful to them. But if you call them with some thoughts or ideas on how you can help them to accomplish the things they want to accomplish, now you have value, and they’re going to be happy to talk to you.
They’re going to want to talk to you because they understand that you may have the solution to some of the problems they’re facing.
Podcast: Play in new window | Download
David: Hi, and welcome back. In today’s episode, co-host Kevin Rosenquist, and I ask the question, are you stuck arguing with reality? Welcome back, Kevin.
Kevin: Good to see you, David. Normally, I feel like I’m stuck arguing with virtual reality these days. With Chat GPT or the like. What are we talking about when you say “argue with reality?”
David: We touched on this in a previous podcast, and it’s a quote that I heard from Byron Katie. She wrote a book called Loving What Is, and she had this quote in there where she said, “Whenever I argue with reality, I lose, but only 100% of the time.”
And I loved that quote because it just seemed so completely true.
Anytime we argue with whatever is actually happening, whatever’s going on in the world, whenever we argue with that reality, we lose.
And if you go to social media, any social media platform, you will find millions of people, every day, arguing with reality.
They’ll be talking about things they have no control over, that they wish weren’t the case. And you can waste so much life doing this, that I thought it would be good for us to have a conversation about it.
Kevin: Well, we talked a little bit about controlling what you can control and accepting what you can’t control, so it kind of fits into the same category. And it feels like we tend to resist what’s happening, instead of adapting to it. Is that fair to say?
David: Yeah. I think a lot of people do that, and not that we’re even doing it intentionally. A lot of times we don’t even consider this idea of what is reality versus what am I looking at on a day-to-day basis?
We tend to go into experiences, whether it’s conversations with people, whether it’s posting something on social media or replying to someone on social media, doing any of these things, and we just feel like we’re having a conversation and we don’t necessarily take into consideration what are the things that are just real and true, that I might be arguing against, right?
Kevin: Mm-hmm.
David: So when people go online, particularly now, and they’re on there and they’re talking about tariffs and all the terrible things that are going to be happening to their business, I look at that and I’m like, okay, well, the tariffs, that’s true. The uncertainty in the market, that’s true.
Everyone is dealing with that. But if I talk about that without looking for solutions, without looking for the ways to get around those problems, then why am I even doing it? Isn’t that not just wasting time, but wasting our lives and other people’s lives?
Kevin: Mm-hmm. What other ways, you know, we mentioned tariffs, there’s plenty of big stuff out there that’s happening that affects the business world.
But as far as, you know, just getting into the sales process, the business process, what other ways do you find that people argue with reality?
David: Ghosting. Sales in general? Cold calling. I mean, every aspect of sales requires us to deal with different aspects of reality every single time. Right?
“These people won’t call me back.” Okay. That may be a reality with those people.
Another part of reality though, is that there are people who will call you back. There are prospects who are responsive. There are people who need to buy your products and services right now.
All of those things are also true. And when you focus on all the things that cause you to not get business, you don’t focus on the things that can actually get you business.
So you’re not just doing a terrible job with your own mental health, you’re also being counterproductive.
Kevin: And there’s a pretty high cost to staying stuck in “this shouldn’t be happening” mode, right?
David: Yes. I mean, I don’t even know if anyone’s attempted to calculate it. I don’t know that anybody’s even thought to calculate it. Because again, most times when people engage in this sort of behavior, it’s not like they’re thinking about it.
It’s not like, “oh, I’m going to go talk about things I have absolutely no control over.”
We don’t approach it like that. It’s like, “this is on my mind and I’ll share it.” And then somebody else, who is equally upset about that thing replies back to agree with you. And then you’re like, “Yeah! Now we’re both mad” and nobody’s selling anything!
Kevin: The resistance I mentioned before, you know, resisting instead of adapting. How can that kind of resistance show up in how we interact with clients or prospects?
David: I’ve never seen any situations where it’s been good, right?
Kevin: Yeah.
David: When people are in a head space where they’re really frustrated about something that’s going on, or they’re feeling out of control, any of those mind spaces are not good for interactions with clients.
So I think the first thing we need to do is to recognize if you’re in a situation like that, probably not a good time to go to a meeting or pick up the phone and have a conversation with a client. So just recognizing your own limitations in that regard.
But also just asking yourself, what is something positive that I could talk to my client about? What is something that I can help them with?
Kevin: Mm-hmm.
David: You know, when…
Kevin: Reframing yourself before you even pick up the phone?
David: Exactly.
Kevin: Yeah.
David: And when everybody is stuck down in the pit, you can’t really help anyone. So, when times are difficult, when the economy is difficult, one of the things I like to do is to say, “okay, well how can you position yourself as out of the pit so you can help other people get out too?”
If you’re both down there complaining about the fact that you’re in a pit, it’s not helpful, right? Can I boost the other person out or can I manage to climb out and help other people out as well?
Just looking at the actual situation for what it is. I’m not saying ignore it. I’m not saying pretend it’s not happening. All I’m saying is that you can recognize reality, and then operate within the guidelines of that framework.
Kevin: Sometimes, it an emotional thing? Are we too emotional to even get ourselves out of that mindset of arguing with reality, of being unwilling to accept how things are?
David: We certainly can be. As you said earlier, like a lot of times in different situations we’re all guilty of these things, right? You get into a certain head space where you can’t seem to get out and until you do, you shouldn’t be interacting with clients.
But yeah, in addition to not being healthy or helpful, it’s the kind of thing that spreads.
So when you’re interacting with other people in a state like that, you create more people like yourself. It’s almost like The Walking Dead… a zombie apocalypse where zombies create other zombies. You don’t want to do that.
Kevin: You mentioned, we talked about reframing before you make a call, things like that. Are there other ways someone can train themselves to respond to what is, instead of what they wish was happening?
David: A lot of it requires just a little bit of thought upfront. And just asking yourself the question, “okay, what are the things that my clients are likely struggling with right now?”
Are they struggling with whatever’s going on in terms of tariffs? Are they struggling with the fact that people are hesitant to spend money right now and they can’t sell more of their products and services?
Because if they’re struggling with that, and if our job is to help them to create awareness, as many of our clients in the promotional products industry, their job is to help their clients get the attention of other people.
If we know we can do that, then we need to focus on those solutions. When people are in a mood like that, if you’ve got clients who are in that head space where they’re sort of scared, they’re not quite sure what to do next. If you call them and you’re in that same head space, then you’re not helpful to them.
But if you call them with some thoughts or some ideas on how you can help them to accomplish the things they want to accomplish, now you have value and they’re going to be happy to talk to you.
They’re going to want to talk to you because they’re going to understand that you may have the solution to some of the problems that they’re facing.
Kevin: Have you had clients that you talk to about this?
David: Constantly!
Kevin: Yeah?
David: Yeah.
Kevin: What is, what is usually the… are they usually open to it? Are they resistant to even you bringing it up? Or are they more like “oh yeah. That is kind of happening.”
David: Well, it’s funny you should ask the question, because when you ask me that and you say, “do I talk to my clients about this” and I say “constantly,” it’s not like they bring it up to me, right?
Kevin: Mm-hmm.
David: They’ll bring up a situation and then I’m like, “well, you have no control over that, right?” And then I explain what I’m talking about, and the whole idea of arguing with reality. Then they’ll go, “oh man, how much time have I wasted arguing with reality?”
So, if you can have that takeaway from this podcast, it’ll save yourself a conversation. It’ll save yourself a lot of time. But if you can recognize when you’re engaged in those activities, you can probably do a lot to stop it just like that.
Kevin: You know, there’s some people I know in times like these are just like, “I can’t even watch the news. I’ve got to stay away.”
But when you’re in business, you have to keep up with what’s going on when it pertains to your business. How can people find that happy medium of staying educated and informed, without getting too deep into the weeds where they get that emotional response?
David: Well, I don’t know if anybody’s going to like the answer to this question, but I recommend eliminating as much of the news as you possibly can, because it’s designed to be addictive, and in some ways depressing, right?
Because the things that get your attention are the things that are often the scariest. So their job, in many ways, is to scare you, which I do not think is an ideal situation.
I used to watch some of the news channels and everything like that, and I found that if it’s a news channel that I agree with, it’s not good because now I’m agreeing with somebody, and now we’re all mad.
And if I’m watching a channel that I disagree with, I’m disagreeing with that person and now I’m mad. It’s a lose-lose. So I stopped doing that a while ago and that helped me a lot just from a humanity standpoint. It just took away a lot of that stuff. And I find that when stuff’s going on in the world, I’m going to hear about it anyway.
I’m going to see it on social media and get an idea of what’s going on. But I don’t have to dive in head first. I don’t have to submerge myself or drown in it. I don’t have to marinate in it. Instead, I can just learn what’s going on and then say, “okay, now what can I do to help my clients?”
Because when you take an approach like that now, you can use that same information to be helpful instead of driving yourself and others crazy.
Kevin: I feel like some people are resistant to that idea though, of just like, there’s stuff out there. I need to know what’s going on and it’s not fair. This shouldn’t be this way and all this stuff, and they might be right about it. But how can someone reframe to get out of that mindset so they can say, “okay, I’m going to shut off the news. I’m only going to look at what I need to.” Do you have any tips?
David: Well, for me, something that helps personally is when I look at “what am I actually willing to do?”
Because if I watch a news story and I get myself enraged, and then I talk to other people about how enraged I am, I don’t see that really helping anyone.
If I want to join some sort of nonprofit group and help out with something, if I want to volunteer for something, okay, that’s something positive that I can do.
But talking about the things that are bothering me does not help anyone that I’m aware of, right? And I’m not saying you shouldn’t do that. People are going to do whatever they’re going to do.
But if you don’t want to do that, if you don’t want to be that person anymore, if you don’t want to be the person that is like, “oh, okay, now, this person said something and now I’m frustrated and I can’t work…”
Then you’ve got to take a step back and say, “all right, how much of my life do I want to give to this?” And if you want to be somebody who does that all day, every day, then yeah, do that as a job.
But if you’ve got responsibilities to a family, you’ve got a responsibility to generate revenue, then you’ve got to clear your head and focus on the solutions that are going to help other people.
Because when you’re in your own head thinking, “this shouldn’t be like this, and that shouldn’t be like that,” you’re not helping anyone!
Kevin: What’s the damage you’ve seen that this can cause in businesses?
David: Look around! Look around! Ugh, there’s a lot of damage! There’s a lot of damage that can be caused.
And when you go back to our main topic, arguing with reality, probably nearly every major problem we’ve ever had is associated with that, right? So, again, I’m not here to try to solve the world’s problems.
We work with small business owners to help them grow their sales and profits. All I’m saying here is that if you want to be able to do your job well, if you want to be able to support your family the best way that you possibly can, then you need to be aware that this could potentially be a problem for you.
If it is, you need to take actions to fix it, because if you don’t, you are harming yourself, you’re harming your family, you’re harming your financial prospects. It’s a big one.
Kevin: If anyone listening is like, “damn, that’s me. He’s describing me,” what can be their first step to a new outlook?
David: Let’s talk. I love talking with people who are like, “wow, yes, I didn’t realize it. That’s me! I need help with this.” Those are my people! TopSecrets.com/call. Schedule a call with myself or my team.
If you are in a situation where you recognize that you are bumping your head on realities here and there: “This is stopping me. That’s stopping me. This is frustrating me. That is frustrating me…” And again, I don’t do psychology, right?
Kevin: Yeah, you’re not a therapist.
David: No, it’s not going to be a therapy session. It’s going to be “okay, here are some things that you can do to change things, to grow your sales and profits now, to focus on the things that you can focus on, change the things that need to be changed to get the results you want.
That’s all I can help you with. I can’t help you with a lot of the other stuff, but it’s a great start. So if you’re looking to grow your sales and profits and you’re running into obstacles, schedule a call. TopSecrets.com/call.
Kevin: Awesome David. Well thanks so much. This was a great conversation and I look forward to the next one.
David: Alright, thank you so much, Kevin.
Ready to Stop Arguing with Reality and Start Creating Better Results?
If so, check out the five primary ways we help promotional product distributors grow:
- Just Getting Started? If you (or someone on your team) is just getting started in promotional products sales, learn how we can help.
- Need Clients Now? If you’re already grounded in the essentials of promotional product sales and just need to get clients now, click here.
- Want EQP/Preferential Pricing? Are you an established industry veteran doing a significant volume of sales? If so, click here to get End Quantity Pricing from many of the top supplier lines in the promo industry.
- Time to Hire Salespeople? If you want to hire others to grow your promo sales, click here.
- Ready to Dominate Your Market? If you’re serious about creating top-of-mind-awareness with the very best prospects in your market, schedule a one-on-one Strategy Session here.